Are you in a sexless marriage now?
According to “The Social Organization of Sexuality”, sexless marriage is defined as little to no sexual intimacy between married spouses. For some experts such as Dr Rachel Becker-Warner, the term sexless marriage often includes couples where sexual intimacy occurs less than 10 times a year.
While the occurrence of a sexless marriage is not uncommon in today’s society, the reasons may vary from couple to couple. These reasons range from physical (medical condition) to psychological.
Here are five possible reasons why you may be in a sexless marriage.
5 Reasons for Sexless Marriage:
Vaginismus is a medical condition that involuntarily causes vaginal muscles to tighten up on their own when some or all types of vaginal penetration are attempted.
This can sometimes cause fear or even pain for the partner during vaginal penetration. Aside from penetrative sex, one may find simple actions such as inserting tampons upsetting and uncomfortable.
In such cases, the partner may evidently avert and reject penetrative sex, causing a sexless relationship.
Erectile Dysfunction (ED)
ED is when a man is unable to get or keep an erection. It's a common problem in men, usually caused by either physical health or psychological problems.
One way to tell if it’s a psychological issue is that ED occurs only some of the time. When you're feeling anxious or stressed about something—like your performance at work or the state of your relationship with your partner—your body may react by becoming tense in response. Another common scenario is when you meet someone new and is stressed about your ability to perform. The stress hormones released, make it difficult for blood to flow through certain areas of the body (like those responsible for producing erections).
Morning erection is usually present and masturbation occurs without much of a problem in such cases.
In many cases, health conditions contribute to the causes of ED. Some of these common physical issues include diabetes, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, obesity and especially heart disease. In fact, ED is one of the early symptoms of coronary artery disease.
Unfortunately, most of these conditions are a result of unhealthy lifestyle choices over time.
Often, ED may further cause stress, anxiety and even low self-esteem when it comes to sex. This may result in a lack of interest or confidence in engaging in sexual intimacy, leading to a sexless marriage.
Lack of Passion & Romance
It’s not uncommon for passion and romance to die down in a relationship. Although we may find such issues much more prevalent among couples who have been together for a long time, couples with newborn children are not immune to it either.
Find yourself stuck in a routine? Bogged down by the heavy responsibilities to care for your children? Or preoccupied with the immense stress from work? All of these can lead to a lack of passion in marriage and a lack of spark for love and for each other.
While facing all these issues, sex is most likely the last thing on your mind. As time goes by, you may find yourself in a sexless marriage.
Conflicts in Relationship
Conflicts are a part of life, let alone with someone who’s constantly in your everyday life. Conflicts when left unresolved, will deteriorate the quality of your relationship. While the severity of each conflict does have a varying impact on relationships, some of these conflicts can be major deal-breakers for sex.
For example, when one of the partners is caught cheating. Without resolving the issue, feelings of resentment and disappointment may accumulate over time, causing a disconnection from each other. Eventually, this may lead to a sexless marriage due to the lack of emotional connection between spouses.
Inability to Create Pleasure/ Arousal
Last but not least, a possible reason could be due to one or both partners not being able to cause arousal in the other.
Inability to cause pleasure/arousal can be due to any number of factors:
Lack of communication between partners
Fear that they'll find out something they're not supposed to know (e.g. if one party has an affair)
Fear that the other person will be emotionally hurt or judgmental if one’s needs and desires are raised
Lack of desire/arousal can also lead couples into stasis, where nothing changes and things get worse over time. Without any actual actions to resolve the lack of desire and arousal, the relationship will continue to suffer, leading to a sexless marriage.
How do I deal with a sexless marriage?
Before concluding one of these issues as the cause, it’s critical to know that there can be a myriad of reasons combined together that results in a sexless marriage.
Prior to seeking professional help, communicate with your partner in a safe and non-judgmental space where both parties can work on the next steps together.
Engaging a professional, such as an intimacy coach, can help to properly diagnose the underlying problems. It’s important to note that both physical/medical conditions and emotional issues require different methods and different lengths of time to resolve the issues.
No matter the case, spouses are encouraged to stay patient and be open-minded to work on the solutions together.
By keeping these tips in mind, you will be on your way to reinventing and spicing up your sexual life.